An explanation as to why I'm not blogging at the moment (besides now).

This is a long one chaps.

After a long chat with my incredible psychiatrist, Dr R, we've decided where the route to a lot of my emotional difficulties lie: I'm seen by many, including myself, as an 'ill' person.

At school, I have considerations, for example, that magnify it every day. Year 13 go on study leave in a couple of weeks, and school want me to drop into year 12 for the last few months. I have respectfully said no to this and explained all of my reasons why. I feel that it would be far better for me to spend time away from the place that makes me feel very insecure and different for a while until I am more confident in my current state. I will instead, spend time with the general public, working at the garden centre etc, where no-one has to know a thing about my medical situation and I act and am treated like any other employee. My bosses know, yes, but the hundreds of people that walk past me day by day do not, and it is liberating. It also allows me to build my strength up again and get myself fit in time for my next operation.

In terms of blogging, well, the way i see it is this: before my operation, when i wasn't considered ill (even though technically i was far more ill but thats by the by), i didn't blog about my medical life each day/week. A healthy person doesn't sit down and talk about the cold that they are developing blablabla. So, to minimise my situation to myself, i am not going to blog about it much either. When there is genuinely big news, or a big concern of mine, i will because it can help. But, when i have little things on my mind or petty issues, i won't blog about them. I have wonderful people i can just talk to instead. This is, again, to make me feel more like a regular 'un-sick' person who hasn't had any operations etc.

When I'm out sometimes, i honestly forget that i have the bags on. And i want to try and feel that more and more. When im distracted and doing things un-bag related, i forget. And forgetting, for the time being, helps me.

So, i shall be blogging less but still feel free to talk with me if you'd like. I am happy to talk about things if people ask, but unless something is really important, i won't be casually blogging about it.

I think it is what is best for me in my stage of emotional recuperation at this moment.

I'll be back, though, don't you worry!