Just under a week until im 18!

I have lots of fun things planned and surprises waiting for me next week. Im praying that nothing bad happens and im just able to enjoy myself. In particular, i hope nothing happens on the night of my party. White suit would not be ideal stained with blood or, other things.

Bring on my final days as a 'child'!

The last 2 months..

2 months ago today, at roughly 9:30am, i was wheeled into theatre at St. Helier hospital to have my total colectomy. I awoke 8 hours later in HDU with one less large colon than i had earlier on in the day.

I cannot believe that that was only 2 months ago. It feels like a year ago i genuinely can't accept it being only 2 months ago. So much has happened it all seems like a blur. 2 months ago?! I was lying in HDU with my parents chatting to me, high off my ass on morphine.

Now, 2 months later, im sitting at my desk, cutting and preparing my two bags for changing night. I never thought i would be doing everything by myself so soon after it all. I probably wouldn't be able to if it wasn't for Zara pushing me to be more independent. My parents were incredibly helpful and did everything for me, but im nearly an 18 year old man. I needed to learn how to shower myself and do my own shit (literally). And now i do.

Thank you to everyone, friends and family, who have helped me get this far. If it weren't for you all, i would probably still be in hospital. Thank you.

Regardless of the two bad days...

I'm still gonna go to school tomorrow and have a nice evening after. To show myself and everyone i can live a normal 'happy' life

Sorry

I regret to inform you that today was arguably worse than yesterday. Not in a great state of mind at the moment x

First day back-not a great start.

As i feared, today wasn't great. I started the day with high hopes as i arrived at school and was happy to see everyone.

As the day went on and lessons passed, i became more and more tired. Around 12:30 i collapsed in the corridor on my way to the sixth form centre from tiredness and breathlessness. Perhaps i was walking too quickly. I regained my strength and continued with my day.

Around 1:30 i was chatting away with a teacher of mine when i realised my fistula bag had leaked blood all over the lower part of my shirt. I could smell the contents of that bag (blood and mucus) but luckily no one else could. I stuck out our chat then cautiously walked to the nearest toilet where i cleaned myself up and stuck tissues around the leak area. After regaining my strength, i continued with my day.

Lastly, it appears that both my english and philosophy teachers don't think i will be able to obtain top marks in my exams if i were to sit them this year. This is understandable based on the amount that i have missed, it is just disappointing. I probably won't end up taking them this year.

I will return tomorrow and hope for a better day.

The result of taking Road B

Instead of going 5 times a day with bad pain and blood, i now go once a week with tremendously bad pain and blood. Still think this was the better option as its far less frequent, even if the pain is worse.

Back to school tomorrow

Tomorrow morning, after 3 or 4 months, i am finally going back to sixth form.
It will be my first day of school with my bags and new routine--it will be my first day being out of the house for so many hours in one go--it will be my first time in tight(ish) clothing for more than a few hours.

I have been dying to go back to school and be active and get my brain working again. But now the time has actually come, im pretty nervous/scared. I dont know how tired it'll make me. I dont know how comfortable ill feel around that many people with my bag. I dont know how sitting down on upright chairs for such a long period of time will effect the bag and stuff.

I will of course write a post tomorrow about how my first day went.. just know that i am finally getting back out into the world and trying to live a 'normal' student life. Scared as i may be, i am still excited and happy to go back.

I have reached a crossroad in my recovery journey

As already mentioned, i have been suffering with rectal bleeding for the last two weeks. I have been using suppositories and enemas to fix it even though I've used them in the past so know they won't work. HOWEVER, i have stopped using anything for the last few days and the bleeding has stopped. I have always been the type that when you stick something in my rectum, it irritates my inflammation and makes the bleeding worse. So, the medication is 'supposed' to fix it', but all it does it make me bleed more on the days that i use it. And every time i bleed i have the most extricating pain.

I am at a crossroad. Road A involves taking the medication like the doctor ordered and suffer bleeding every day and horrendous pain and wait to see if it works.
Or Road B, don't take the medication, dont bleed, dont suffer pain and wait and see if the inflammation disappears.

When written down, it seems pretty obvious which road to go for, even if it may not be 'medically advised'.

Another successful shower and change

Now im bleeding a lot from my rectum (both ways), I've had to go back to wearing my second bag. However, i am still able to do it all by myself and just makes my changing session an extra 2 minutes longer. I am nearly able to do it all with my eyes shut if im honest!

OUCH!

ok so a new symptom has occurred and is a pain in the arse-quite literally. When i sit down to bleed, my rectum hurts so god damn much; it actually makes scream. I dont know why it causes me so much pain when i go but it does and its really distressing.