The emotional.

Ok so, this part sucks. If you don't fancy reading a slightly depressing post, stop now.

This isn't a life i want to live. Mum and dad keep telling me "this surgery gave you a life-your colitis would have killed you" and i know that, but i hate living like this. I feel so disgusting and i can't bare the sight of my physical appearance. I've lost a huge amount of weight and i have two bloody bags attached to me.

The issue with having the two is that the bags over lap, which makes sticking them difficult. This leads to leaks. Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? Its horrible. The smell, the feel of it on my skin, its so bad. And i can't do anything i just call my dad and ask him to fix me. I feel so helpless.

Over the last two weeks i have had countless people see me lying on a bed naked and been made to clean me. Its so degrading. For years i have been ludicrously independent and now i can't do anything for myself and it fucking sucks. I am so sick of relying on doctors, nurses, my parents and my girlfriend to get me through all of this. I want my old life back. I learned to live with going to the toilet loads i could handle it. I don't think i'll ever be able to learn to live with a bag-i hate every aspect of it.

Please, if anyone can tell me this life is genuinely going to be better than the one i had before, put your case forward. micheal-wyatt@hotmail.co.uk i could really use some positivity.