Okay, so maybe it isn't all positive.

I don't know why, but this afternoon has been tough-emotionally. I'm still so angry about everything. If i could wind back time..

I'm not just angry about the surgery stuff; i'm angry about pre surgery too.

I'm angry because:

• every doctor i had for colitis said i wouldn't need surgery
• the first doctor i had made me believe my anxiety caused my colitis
• the doctors and surgeons made surgery look all fun and games
• i don't feel at all in control of my body and i haven't been in control of it since october 2012
• i have to go through tedious processes daily which are truly revolting
• i was on so many FUCKING tablets (36 at one point) which did absolutely nothing
• i had countless enemas and suppositories shoved up my arse which did absolutely nothing
• i had many colonoscopies all showing the same results yet they kept doing them expecting to see something new
• i used to be attractive. now i repulse myself
• i have no idea when this torture will end.